As business owners, it’s natural to want to control every element of our organizations. Control is, after all, part of human nature as one study “Evidence from animal research, clinical studies, and neuroimaging work suggests that the need for control is a biological imperative for survival.”
Some level of control over your business is necessary. You can’t just step aside completely and have zero involvement in making it work. I’ve learned the hard way that giving up too much control backfires and sets you up for failure. Give up too much control and responsibility can fall on the shoulders of people who shouldn’t have it. But the flip side of the spectrum, trying to control every element of your business all the time, is just as bad in my opinion. When you’re constantly trying to control every detail of your business, your employees are unlikely to have the space they need to do their jobs well. In turn, your business could suffer. A balance between taking control and relinquishing control is important.
As a disclaimer, I am not a mental health professional. I approach this topic with my own observations and experiences. Trying not to learn by not taking enough control, I had to navigate without ending up on the other side of the spectrum. For me, hitting that middle ground is a work in progress. Something that has helped me stay on track is a basic lesson 12 step community where I’m coming from is that we don’t control everything, but we do control how we act.
If you’re a business owner who’s too far down the spectrum to take control, there are a few steps you can take to change direction and find a middle ground. The goal should not be to run a chaotic business. I don’t believe that chaos is the opposite of control. Rather, I believe that not needing control is the opposite of control, and that should be the goal.
1. Assess your tendencies
In my opinion, the first step to letting go of wanting to be in total control all the time is to assess your tendencies. In my experience, the “checklist” for exercising control in business is usually the need to always be right, to implement only your ideas, to impose your way of doing things on others, and to have emotional responses to situations.
In contrast, I’ve found that people who don’t need complete control perform differently in the business world. They don’t have any big egos. They are good listeners who appreciate people’s opinions and understand that their way of doing something is not necessarily the right way to do something. They value the opinion of others and are not threatened by different opinions.
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You can assess your tendencies by self-reflection, talking to trusted friends and family members, confiding in a mentor, or talking to a therapist.
2. Control your need
Once you assess your tendencies, I think you should address your need for control. By: PsychCentral:“The desire for control may be rooted in a fear of uncertainty.” Furthermore, therapist Noel Macward wrote in Psychology today“Control, or rather the desire to have control, is a form of anxiety. It is rooted in a tacit, and often unconscious, belief or feeling that “I’m not going to be okay” or “Things aren’t going to be okay.”
Look within to discover what may be behind your need for control. As with the previous step, you can also talk to trusted friends and family members, sit down with a mentor, or discuss issues with a therapist. You may realize that you may be controlling yourself because you worry about your reputation or fear failure. Whatever the reason, it’s valuable to understand it and realize that it’s okay to feel the way you do, but that trying to gain more control isn’t necessarily the answer.
3. Begin to deprioritize taking control and realize that change takes time
The final step is to prioritize taking control. Doing this is easier said than done, but I believe small steps can make a big difference. For example, if you usually shut down ideas that your employees bring to the table, you can make a mental note not to immediately respond to ideas when you hear them and instead just listen. Or if you realize that you want your team members to approach specific tasks in your own way, you can decide to take a step back (starting with one task at a time) and see how your employees solve their problems.
As you try to make changes, consider seeking outside help, such as a mentor or therapist, to guide you through the process. Also, remember that change takes time. It’s impossible to go from wanting to be in total control all the time to finding a balance between too much and too little control overnight. But little by little, you can make changes that I believe will make you and your team happier and more productive in the long run.